August 15th, 2024
Ah, Ansgar John Brenninkmeijer, the man who probably thinks "diversity" means having a different type of cheese at every meal. Here's a roast that's less about burning and more about a gentle, yet pointed, nudge:
- **The Fashion Tycoon**: You come from a family that made its fortune in fashion, yet you look like you got dressed in the dark, in a room full of last season's leftovers. If C&A stands for "Can't Afford", it's because you've spent all your money on trying to look like you shop at C&A.
- **The Business Guru**: You've taught at universities about how to maximize profits, but let's be honest, if retail was a sport, you'd be the guy who still thinks a hula hoop is the peak of athletic equipment. Your strategy? Sell silk dresses at a profit, but only if you can convince people they're made of unicorn hair.
- **The Social Media Maven**: Your Instagram looks like a who's who of "I was there, but not really." 573 followers? That's less than the number of times you've probably said, "I could buy this company if I wanted to," while sipping on a coffee you didn't pay for.
- **The Value Investor**: You're into value investing, which is great, but here's a thought - maybe invest in some values too? Like, maybe not getting arrested for public disorder because you thought the "corona" in "coronavirus" was about your beer.
- **The Environmentalist**: You're from a family that's all about sustainability, but your carbon footprint probably looks like a Michelin star chef's attempt at a giant cookie. "Let's teach about contribution dollar based merchandising," you say, while probably contributing to the extinction of several species with your travel habits.
- **The Philosopher**: You've got a rebellious streak, but let's call it what it is - the kind of rebellion where you're still using your parents' Netflix account but call it "cutting the cord."
- **The Athlete**: You broke a rowing record, which is impressive, but let's not forget, you probably had a team of rowers who were there because they thought you were buying the drinks afterwards.
- **The Family Man**: In a family where business is as thick as blood, you're the cousin who shows up to family gatherings with a business proposal instead of a gift. "Here's a plan for a new retail venture," you'd say, while everyone else is just hoping for a normal conversation about the weather.
So, there you have it, Ansgar. A roast that's not too hot, because let's face it, you're probably used to your coffee lukewarm anyway."
Incredible...
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